Sometimes you have to ask yourself the hard and harsh questions. Don't be blinded by your pain and miss the blessing you are being given. We have all heard the sayings, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" and "a blessing in disguise"
It was close to Easter and my stepfather was on the phone with his ex-wife talking about my step brother. I was only around 7 years old and I was so excited that I might get to see my step brother. So I sat by the door eagerly waiting to hear anything that meant he was coming to visit. All I over heard was their plans this year to be the Easter bunny. Me as a 7 year old was crushed. What do you mean there is no Easter bunny? Little did I know that I was about to learn a hard lesson on ease dropping and keeping my mouth shut.
He found out that I was listening to his conversation and was furious. After being screamed at I was sent to my room. I have no idea how long I waited in my room, it felt like hours. I remember walking back in forth terrified what was to come next. I remember having to use the bathroom but being terrified to leave my room. I knew if I didn't hold it I would be in even more trouble. I was scared I was going to pee myself, but there was no way I was going to go to the bathroom and no way I was leaving that room. I was is tears from the pain and from the fear. I didn't understand why it was in so much trouble.
The door flew open and he stormed in. Yelling so loud and hard that his face was red turning purple. His words made no sense. He was so close to my face, his breath was so hot and I was being showered with spit. He shouted, "WHY?" When I didn't answer he picked up my bed with me sitting on it and slammed it down. He shouted one more time, "WHY?" I remember being paralyzed with fear. Some how I mustered the strength to say, " I just miss him" Rage came over him, it was so intense that my vision went white. That was not the answer he wanted and I was better off silent. He grabbed me by the throat with one hand and held me up in the air against the wall. I just hung there, my legs and feet searching gently for solid ground. Then he let go. I fell down the wall onto my bed. He walked to the door, turned around and calmly said, " stay in here. You better not come out." Then shut the door. I calpsed on the floor and peed all over myself. I couldn't believe I held it as long as I did. I began to panic. I had to clean myself and the floor up. I remember thinking, what would he have done if I would have peed myself while he was in there? I remember being so thankful.
As an adult now, looking back on this, I'm beyond grateful to God. The mercy I was shown and the wisdom I was given is incredible. God gave me, as a 7 year old, the knowledge and strength to get through that. I knew not to scream and cry. I knew not to say, " I'm telling mom" I knew to stay silent and let the storm pass. God gave me the self control to hold my bladder, a 7 year old made it through all of that and still held on. God never left my side. He stayed there with me and protected me, knowing one day he could use my experience to reach someone no one else could. Little did I know that I was being given such an amazing gift.
God trusted me and help me through it all. He trusted that I could overcome and prosper. Not many people can say that they know God's plan for you. I know God has been planning something big for me since day one. It has been a hard road to get where I am now. So many other stories I could tell you. So many more times I was show love and mercy from God. I wouldn't change my past if I could. God gives us all free will. My stepfather choose to abuse that free will. My lord showed me mercy and unfailing love. He protected me and I'm alive today. Not sure where God's plan will take me, but he's got me this far. I'm going to keep trusting him and thanking him.
Did you die? No! I was blessed
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