5 truths about me as mommy

It's been brought to my attention that I've been placed on a side in this ridiculous mommy war. Why? I do what's best for me and mine. My decisions and choices have nothing to do with you. These choices don't define me as a mother nor make me a better one. What's right for my family might not be right for yours. I don't think I'm better than you, I think we are different people and should live different lives. The world would be boring if we all were exactly the same. There is not just one right way to do things.  

1) I breastfeed my babies 

I had a discussion with a friend about breast vs bottle. I had no idea how personal this decision was. I had no idea that the decision came along with a side to an ongoing war. Please don't think that because I breastfeed I judge you for not doing so. Yes I breastfeed, but that doesn't mean that I'm a better person for doing so. This doesn't make me a better mother. I breastfeed more because I'm lazy and cheap. Yes its natural and there are health benefits for both mommy and baby. It's also FREE and that's what attracted me to it. I want to be able to spend as much time as I can with my babies. If I bottle fed we would be spending more per week and I would have to go back to work. Formula isn't cheap! Another plus, I don't have to make bottles, so less dishes and I don't have to do as much in the middle of the night. This is where the laziness kicks in. I just pick her up, pop her on and try to stay awake while she eats. All the bonding and health benefits are just a plus. I chose what was right for me and my family. I don't judge you for doing the same. I have no right nor the desire to. 

2) I'm a baby wearer 

 

This one blows my mind! Why do people care? What makes wearing your baby better than pushing them in a stroller? I wear for convenience. Strollers take up so much space. I have not mastered pushing a stroller, it takes skills that I do not have. I can't tell you how many times I've crashed into a display or ripped down a whole rack of clothes. Stores are not designed for strollers. I also have three children and only two hands. Wearing my baby frees up my hands for my other two children to hold. It's just so convenient. 

3) I sometimes co sleep

This is goes back to me being lazy. I often fall asleep during late night feeds. Another reason is she sleeps better and I get more sleep. After trying two or three times to get her to sleep on her own, I'll give up and let her sleep on me. I can hear people gasping now. Hey I'm a mom to three young children. If I don't get sleep someone could possibly die. If not from me passing out from sleep deprivation, then from me losing my mind and patience. I try hard not to co sleep because of all the horror stories I've heard, I do what I have to do. 

4) I'm a stay at mom

I didn't want any other career. I wanted to be a mom. Some dream of becoming teachers, lawyers, doctors, ect. I dreamed of being a mommy. I want to enjoy every minute I can of it. The thought of someone else getting to spend more time with my babies is too much for me. They are mine and I don't want to share. I sometimes wish I had a passion for other things. When they get older and don't need me I will be lost. For the meantime I'm enjoying it while I can. 

5) I don't let people watch my children 

This one is hard for me to tell people. Feelings get hurt. I was raised in an abussive home. I have a hard time putting my trust in people when it comes to my girls. It's always the people you would never think would do something that end up being the monsters. Abusers don't advertise their craziness. This is my issue and should not make you think bad about yourself. This is also another reason why I'm a stay at home mom. 

 

Please don't make snap judgements. The reasons behind what we do isn't always the same as someone else's. I'm not on any side in this ridiculous war. Love your babies and do what's best for your family. Who cares about everyone else. 

Thank you for not only being my friend, but for loving my babies.

  When I got pregnant I was so excited. I had great friends that I just knew where going to be like family to my baby. So many uncles and aunts, she was going to be the luckiest little girl, so much love. I found out very quickly that, that was not what was going to happen. I chose to start a family at a young age. Some may think that Kylie was not planned. We may not have done things the traditional way but this is what we wanted. I understood that my life was going to change and I was ok with that. I did not realize how many friendships I would lose. 

 

  After I told everyone and the news was out, we were having a baby, I got mixed reactions. Some very happy, but most disappointed and didn't understand why we wanted this so young. I was no longer that fun carefree person they all loved, now I was a "mom". All the calls and invites stopped. I started to get blown off and forgotten. I was extremely depressed, all my friends had forgot about me. My dream of all theses aunts and uncles crumbled. If I did get invited to hang out it was to a bar or a party. Hate to say it but drunk people are only funny when you are drinking. 

  After I had Kylie and the new baby wore off, so did the visits. I wanted my friends to love my baby, I was heartbroken. No one wanted to hangout and if they did it was insinuated that I needed to get a babysitter. I understood that I was now in a different part of life then most my age. I also thought that my friendships were stronger than that. I thought my friends would see my baby girl as family. If they loved me why wouldn't they automatically love my baby. All my insecurities about family and friends were coming true. 

  I continued to try to keep in touch with friends but the effort felt one sided. So after a while I stopped trying. After I had my second child we bought our house. A girl from school with a little girl Kylie's age lived near us. So I decided maybe I needed a mommy friend, if not for me then for play dates for Kylie. 

I wanted to help Kylie find friends that she could grow up with. Maybe if she had friendships from a young age when they got older the same wouldn't happen to her. 

 

  I knew this girl from school was going to be my blessing from the moment we had our first play date. She was so sweet and awkward and funny. She loved her daughter so much. We were in the same stage of live, married with children. We continued to have play dates and text back and forth. She never judged me, we connected. She was so caring and selfless. 

  The more we hung out the more I saw her love for my babies. She didn't only want my friendship she loved my kids. She didn't only care about me she cared for my girls! I can't tell you how much that means to me. How much that means to a mother. If you don't love my kid then you don't love me. I am no longer just me, I'm a mother, my girls are a part of me. In my eyes they are the best part of me. So to see someone love that part of me means the world. 

  I didn't only find a friend that day, I found a sister. I found a role model for my girls. I found a life long friendship. I found family and I couldn't be more blessed. I never thought I was going to have that. I always wanted that best friend to grow with, I found that in her. She is what I've always prayed for. 

 

You've been reported for nudity

Nudity?!?! I've been reported for nudity?! Please someone explain this to me.

While pregnant with my third baby girl I decided to show my girls how beautiful pregnancy is. I may not have the perfect body, but this imperfect body created two perfect little girls. And now was working on another. I felt beautiful my whole pregnancy, well up to the last week. Do to all the swelling. The girls and I took pictures almost everyday of my Ellie belly and of them with it. I decided to share these pictures and my pregnancy with my friends and family. So many of my loved ones only get contact with me through Facebook. Most of my family lives in California and most of my friends have busy lives, so Facebook is a blessing. 

           After months of pictures  

I get reported for nudity! Look at this picture. Are you looking at it? Do you see any private areas showing? You can't even see my belly button for goodness sakes. My Lila is completely dressed and I'm even wearing two bras. So please tell me why someone would see this picture and think, "this is unacceptable! I must make Facebook aware of this!" Why must someone try to take the joy away from this picture? Why is this person trying to make me feel ashamed of what I look like? Why are they being hateful.?

Well of course after review Facebook decided this was in fact not nudity and dismissed the report. A few days later my girls and I had a dancing around in our underwear day. We do that around here. I want my girls to see me being convident in my body. So what better way than to blast some good music and dance our hearts out. I loved the video so much I took screen shoots of it. They came out amazing. We will be framing them. I was reluctant to post them. But once again I tell my girls to be convident in themselves so I need to practice what I preach. Maybe it would inspire someone to take pride in their body and feel more convident in how they look. 

Six minutes after posting I was reported. Why? Because I was pregnant? Because my babies were in the picture with me? Was it because we were in our underwear? Was it because I don't have the small frame and body that is considered beautiful? 

My heart was crushed. Here I am trying to be a convident woman. Here I am trying to be a example for my girls, my friends and my family. Here I am putting myself out of my comfort zone and someone is trying to tear me down. Someone is harassing me. This person is suppose to be a "friend" of mine. Yet they are hiding behind the Internet trying to hurt me. 

I had so many people try to reason with why this "friend" was doing this. I even had some tell me I was wrong to post what I had posted. "It's your life, but I would never..." This infuriated me!!!! You would never?! So you don't wear bathing suits? Oh, so you don't have pictures of your toddler in their diaper, bathing suit, or a onesie? "Your child is in her panties!"

Just because my two and three year old are potty trained already means they are no longer toddlers? Please!!!! Please explain this concept to me! 

"You are putting your children out there for predators to get!" Excuse me?! Who are you to tell me this? This goes along with saying, "oh did you see how she was dressed? No wonder she was raped." Or "maybe if you covered up a little more, you would be taken more serious." Let me tell you, a predator will seek you out anyways. No matter how you are dressed. Walk down the street down town, some idiot will shout some stupid line at you. 

Why are we making up excuses and defending someone in the wrong? Do you realize what you are saying? You are saying it's not their fault. They couldn't help themselves. You were asking for it. There's so much evil out there you should hide from it. If you don't want anything bad to happen to you or yours, you better walk on egg shells. 

I'm sorry but no. I refuse to raise my girls though fear. I refuse to hide from the evil in the world. I refuse to change because you don't like who I am or how I choose to live my life. I refuse to conform. I refuse to be bullied into something I'm not. I refuse to live absurd social standards. I will not take away the beauty and innocence from my children's childhood. I am not going to force them to grow up. 

So thank you! Thank you for helping me to be more convident. Thank you for inspiring me to make a stand. Thank you. You tried to tear me down and you failed. You actually helped me to grow. You helped build me up. Man that's got to sting. 

Your child bottle feeds her baby, mine breastfeeds

There is no doubt that this momma breastfeeds. I've always been proud to say breastfed when people asked bottle or breast. I have no problem talking about it and anwering questions from other mommas. I've even stated feeling more and more comfortable feeding in public. I'm mastering the art of feeding decretly. But having toddler/preschool aged children who have no filter yet, is showing me that being decret might not be an option.

Walking through Kroger with Kylie, who is a loud talker, we have this conversation.

Kylie: momma, you have a baby in your belly!

Me: yes I do!

Kylie: that is so sweet.

Me: yes baby it is.

Kylie: I was in your belly too! And so was Lila!!!

Me: yes, you're right.

Kylie: that is so sweet

Me: yes it is sweet girl.

Kylie: the baby is going to drink from your boobies!!!!!!!!

Me: yep...... Let's talk about this later.

Kylie: I drank from your boobies too!!!! And so did Lila!!!!!

Me: yep.... 

Kylie: that's so sweet!!! Babies like boobies!!!!

I thought, oh goodness this is going to be fun! When I had Lila, Kylie was still very young and not talking very well yet. Now Kylie is talking, well more like shouting, and Lila is in her monkey see monkey do phase. This time around is going to be a whole new adventure. Thank goodness I have a sense of humor. If not I wouldn't make it. If I were shy about breastfeeding, I won't be for long. I have a long road of embarrassing conversation ahead of me. So I'm just going to own it. Why not share and let others enjoy my awkward moments? 

The other day the girls were playing in Ellie's car seat. They were taking turns being the baby. Lila would sit in the car seat. You hear Kylie, "oh hi baby! Awe, you are so cute. Are you a sleepy baby."

Lila pretending to sleep. Then Kylie sat in the car seat. Lila gets so excited, trying her hardest to pick the "baby" up. I'm just sitting on the couch giggling. Then I hear Lila, "baby hungry!" I look over and Lila is trying to breast feed Kylie. For all the times not to have my camera on me, why this time?

We were at a friends wedding and Ellie started crying. Kylie comes up to me and says," momma! Ellie is hungry!!!! She wants your boobies!!!" I'm so happy my child doesn't have an inside voice. Everyone one around us appreciates it too. Thank you Kylie, thank you. 

 

I guess my girls are doing their part to normalize breastfeeding. It's going to be an embarrassing and entertaining journey. Hope everyone who is apart of it enjoys it as much as I am. If you like it or not my loud mouth children are going to tell you about it. If they don't tell you about it, they might just reenact it for you.  

Let me decide who I am, not my weight

  When I found out I was having was having a second daughter so many fears ran through my mind. What if they looks totally different? What if one is prettier? What if they have different hair or body styles. Will they always compete with each other? Will others compare them to one another? 

  

  Kylie was born at 8 lbs 1oz and 19 inches long. Kylie has stayed thin. She has thin blonde curly hair that is beautiful and wild. Lila was born at 8 lbs 13oz and 21 inches long. She was born with rolls upon rolls and has always been in the upper 90 percentile for weight. She is just 2lbs under her older sister who has 18 months on her. Lila has brown thick silky hair that is straight with perfect ringlets at the ends. They look so much a like yet so extremely different. One of my biggest fears about have two girls came true. They have so many different features. Both are absolutely beautiful in their own way. 

  They are constantly compared to one another. Kylie is constantly called beautiful. I get adviced to put her in dance, gymnastics, or cheerleading. I've been told several times about the success she will have in her future. How she will be a heartbreaker and her father better be ready. Lila is called chunk, chubby and thick. I get advice to put her in soccer and softball. I'm told she will be a hands on kind of girl. 

  Already being placed into stereotypes. Even at the ages of 2 and 3 they are judged due to their appearance. They only have a few years to be care free, why take that away? These are their formative years, what you say will stay with them. Do you realize you are teaching them to compare and compete with each other? You are telling them they aren't good enough for certain things. Why is it that because Lila is a bigger girl she needs to be sporty and more masculine? Why is it that Kylie because she is thin needs to be a girly girl? Why do people see the need to categorize and stereotype based on body types? Why can't we let them choose for themselves? Our children should be free to be whatever they want to be. Free to become who ever they want to. How can we teach our children to be comfortable and confident in themselves if we give them limitations due to their appearance? Why are we teaching them that their weight defines them and determines their beauty? 

  Why do we focus on their physical trades? If you're going to talk to me about them why don't we talk about their personalities. Kylie is a sassy and a know it all. She is hard headed and stubborn. She is loving and extremely sensitive. Lila is full off energy. She loves to laugh and is such a cluts. She loves to be scared and is extremely social. Kylie has showed interest in fashion and clothing design. Lila is all about playing doctor. 

  Please think before you speak about my children! I understand you didn't mean anything by what you said, but my children might not. Ignorance isn't always bliss. Sometimes ignorance is just ignorance. Please don't compare my girls. They have all of their teen years to do that themselves. Help me raise confident children. Children who are free to dream without limitations. My girls are beautiful inside and out, let's not take that away with ignorant statements. Beauty doesn't make who you are, who you are is what makes you beautiful. 

Super mom? No such thing!

To the mom who called me a super mom. I am not even close. I have extremely difficult day as well as everyone else. I've been that crazy mom in the parking lot loosing my mind. I've been that mom crying histirically in my car. I've been that mom who says her child's name so many times that all of Walmart knows it. I've had my moments where I've thought, this  parenting thing is not for me. 

Let me tell you about one of my bad days. I had recently found out I was pregnant with Ellie. The girls and I went to my mother's work to say hi. Both Kylie and Lila insisted on bringing their stuffed ducks squeakers and pac pac with them. So we head in to the hospital and up to the third floor. Everything was going fine and both girls were happy. We spent a little bit of time saying hi and visiting with their mamaw. It was time to take the girls back to the car and let my mom get back to work. So my mother filled a cup up with the grapes that the girls were snacking on, so we could take them to go with us. She then ask the girls if they wanted a popsicle to take with them. Um?! Of course they wanted a popsicle, no brainer. At this point they could no longer hold their stuffed ducks or their delicious grapes. So I'm forced to carry the diaper bag, two stuffed animals, and a cup of grapes. We say bye and head down the elevator. Two happy little girls with their popsicles and one mommy with her hands full of all their crap. We walk up to the automatic doors and I reach for Lila's hand. She completely freaks out and starts running away from me screaming "MINE!!!" I explain I just want her hand not her popsicle. I reach for her hand again and she rippes her hand away from me throwing her popsicle across the parking lot. Her life was over! Nothing was going to make this right. We were in total breakdown mode in the middle of the parking lot of a hospital. Kylie concerned about her little sister begins to ask a million questions. "What happened?" "Why is she crying?" "What did you do?" "Why did she drop her Popsicle?" For goodness sakes child stop talking and walk. I tell Lila to get up, of course she wouldn't. I ask Kylie to carry her stuff, of course that was a stupid question. So I bend over to grab Lila. Grapes pour out of the open cup in my hand. The diaper bag falls off my shoulder and I drop one of the stuffed ducks. I pick up Lila from around the waist. She is kicking and screaming. I throw the diaper back over my shoulder and pick up the stupid freaking stuffed duck that they couldn't live without. Kylie is complaining about all the grapes I dropped. I'm yelling "for the love of God, can we just get to the car?!" Kylie's crying and no longer wants to walk, Lila is screaming her head off and trying to kick her way out of my arm and I'm praying out loud as I use my foot to push Kylie to get her to take each step. "Lord just let me get to the car." We finally get to the car. I throw both girls into the car and struggle to buckle them in. I then get in and put my head down on the steering wheel. All I hear from the backseat is Kylie, " um mommy?!?! Why aren't we moving?!?!" I loose my mind, "because mommy needs to pray right now!" 

I thought to myself, how in the world am I going to do this? I have another on the way! What was I thinking? I'm not meant to be a mommy. I can't handle this. 

But thankfully tomorrow is always a new day, a fresh start. So to the people who call me supermom, I am no supermom! I'm just a mommy trying my best. Some days I fail and some days are a total success. Most days I bearly make it to bedtime and pass out. So please don't hold yourself to this ridiculous image you painted me to be. That person does not exists. I struggle with this parenting thing just like you do. My girls don't listen to me, they don't want to eat, bed time is a struggle and I doubt myself just like you. No one is a perfect parent, God knows I'm not.

Oh and my mother called me later that night. One of her colleagues saw the whole thing in the parking lot. He went upstairs and told my mother that I looked stressed out and was struggling a bit. Perfect time to tell him "oh she pregnant!"

   

What a real Daddy looks like

I've said it several times, I'm jealous of my girls. They have an amazing father! Every little girl deserves a great Daddy. Someone to love them and put them first. A daddy to teach them how real men act. A daddy to give them the respect that they deserve. Someone to show them how special they are. Someone to encourage them to be exactly who and what they want to be. A daddy to support them in every way. Someone to protect them from all the evils in the world.

Their Daddy loves them with everything he has. When he looks at his girls you can see his love for them. He lights up every time he hears them say daddy. There is nothing he wouldn't do to get his girls to smile. Their sweet giggles fill the air when their daddy is around. 

Tea parties, story time, dress up, daddy daughter dates. There's an endless list of things he does for his girls. He is never afraid of what others will say about him.

I watch them in amazement. My husband has restored my faith in men. I'm lucky that I get to watch and experience what it's like to have a daddy. Growing up I always wanted children but never wanted the man. I decided at a young age that I would be a single parent. Daddy daughter relationships were foreign to me and extremely uncomfortable. I couldn't understand them. Why were these men being so nice to these little girls? What did they want from them? Men are only nice to get something, right? I watched my friends with there dads. Hugging them, giving them kisses on the cheeks, sitting on there fathers laps. I could never do this! Watching them made me feel uncomfortable. Men had only been nice to me to gain my trust. There was always a malicious plan behind it. They put on a normal and loving face for the public but behind closed doors everything changed. 

Thankfully I found this amazing man. A man who wants nothing but to make his girls happy. He starts and ends his day with his baby girls on his mind. God has truly blessed me with this man. I have finally broke the cycle of abuse. Something that I was told was impossible.  I can rest knowing my girls are safe and will not have to live the same life I had. 

I didn't know what true love was until after we had our first child together. Watching how much he loves our girls makes me love him even more. I can honestly say I'm in love with my husband. My love for him grows more each day. Every zoo trip, movie date, park trip, nap time cuddle my love grows for this man. My heart is now opened to understand daddy daughter relationships. My eyes see the truth about real men. He has made me wiser and more loving. He has showed me what it means to be a daddy!

I'm growing as a person, as a mother, and as a wife thanks to a man who has true love for his daughters. I can't even start to thank him for what he's done for me and what he's doing for our girls. God blessed me with all girls and a loving man to father them. I believe God planned this to change my perspective. It's my belief that there is a plan behind everything that happens. Sometimes it takes years to play out, but always a reason. Always a light at the end of the tunnel. Mine is the wonderful man my babies call Daddy.

Why I am who I am

  Hi! My name is Liz. I'm 26 and just had my third baby girl. I've been with my husband going on six years now and will be celebrating our three year anniversary in October. We have three beautiful girls together; Kylie Rae 7/13/11, Lila Mae 2/11/13, and our newest addition Ellie Kae 3/25/15. I know it's a little cheesy, but we like it. My husband and I bought our first house two years ago. I'm a DIY kind of girl. Love my crafts. I've worked extremely hard to make our house into a home for our ever growing family. I want 5+ kids, my husband thinks I'm crazy. I stay at home with the girls while my sweet husband works hard to support us. We have a crazy beautiful life and I wouldn't change it. 
 
   Looking at my past I would never have thought I would be where I am now. I'm 26, married with three girls and a home owner. I grew up in an abusive home. I was abused verbally, physically, mentally, sexually by my stepfather starting at the age of 4. I moved in with my biological father when I was in the 8th grade thinking life would be easier there. I quickly learned I was wrong. I was verbally and physically abused there as well.  I then returned to my mother's house only after a few months.

  We struggled with the decision on how and when to break free from the evil that was her husband.
It was an extremely terrifying and difficult decision. This decision could have possibly cost us our lives. When I was a sophomore in high school we finally separated ourselves from him. My mother worked 12 hour shifts 7 days a week to keep us afloat. She did all she could to make it up to my brother and I.
 
  Counselors told me that I would never recover from my past. I was told to NEVER have children, that I would just abuse them like I was abused. I was told my life was ruined and I was predestined to fail. None of this was true! No one can tell me who I am and what I'm destined to be. My life is in my hands. I decided I deserved a good life, a good husband, a family, a home. My past made me the person I am, that is true. I choose to learn from my past, to grow, and to see the good in every moment. Thanks to my past I'm strong, I'm optimistic, I'm empathetic, I'm me!

   You have two choices, let your past define you and hold you back or let your past improve you. I chose to learn and improve. I know what I want in life, try to stop me!