This water bottle is the perfect example of how I feel today. I feel just a bit off, not quite right. Today is the last day my oldest child will be home with me. Tomorrow starts our new journey. She starts kindergarten and I become a mom to a student. This might not seem like that big of a deal. Hell it didn't feel that big to me either at first. Yet now it's all too real. I woke up this morning hoping today could last forever. Lord make today drag by. Please make the day seem to last another 5 years. It only seems fair sence the last 5 years only seemed to last one day.
My mind is all over the place. I can't seem to focus on anything. I'm obsessing over every detail. Every thing must be perfect. Details from her hair to her lunch. All my insecurities are pouring out. All the horrible days in school are flooding back. Not only is there potential for her to be judged but also for me.
I've fought back tears all day. My house is spotless from the obsessive cleaning. All I want to do is spend our last day together but my mind won't let me. If I focus on her I might lose it. I've spent everyday with her for years. I'm not me without them.
Today I envy the parents who work. They don't depend on their children as much as their children depend on them. Their hearts broke years ago and are able to be happy for their children. Mine is breaking as I speak. My world is crashing. My baby isn't a baby. I want so bad to be happy and excited for her. Hopefully soon, but for now I'm just a bite off, not quite right.
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